fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
