to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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