Swine flu is the new snow day.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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