It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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