I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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