If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
