Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
