So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
