You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
