Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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