Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
