yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You're like the curious george of whores
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
