they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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