the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
