Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
