Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
