i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
