i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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