brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
