life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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