I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
