I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
