TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
