We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
