We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Threesome in a minivan. New low
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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