wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize