my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize