why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
