Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
