Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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