"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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