420 ftw
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
