Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
