The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
