I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
