I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
