I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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