i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
