I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
