My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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