My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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