I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
