I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
