I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
