please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
