I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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