one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
