the condom got lost in my hair
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
