The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
