drinking out of a sandbucket again
two words...techno handjob
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
