Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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