summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
