Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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