Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
