So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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