omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
