Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
