who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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