Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
