My sheets look like a crime scene.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
