And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize