So drunk its hurt
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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