So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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