a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
