I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
did i walk over a car last night?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
