I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
