i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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