Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
