your room smells of hookers.
And success
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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