Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
