yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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