Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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