Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
