We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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