1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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