hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
