11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Randomize
