giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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