whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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