i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
