ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
