Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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