I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
