Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
